What am I doing here?

This question has repeated itself frequently over the last few months. 

As some of you know, I did not have a job while we were in Oregon and I do not have a job here in Wisconsin.  I had no idea that this would happen because I thought that nurses were needed everywhere...I just assumed that my honey and I would both be working wherever we went. 

In Oregon I managed to keep myself pretty busy with outdoor activities, grocery shopping, cooking dinner (not something I thought I would end up doing), visiting with a neighbor and doing 'chores' around the house.  As long as I was busy I knew that I would be okay but as soon as I sat in one place too long I started to become depressed and feel like I wasn't contributing to society. 

Now that we are in Wisconsin, I have no choice but to slow down because I don't have an established routine yet to distract me...I don't know anyone and I don't know the city yet.  So, I need to learn how to sit still and be okay with me.  I know I have adopted some beliefs that are contrary to what God says, but they are so hard to get rid of.  Here are some (as I type them I am able to isolate them and see the truth):

1.  You have no worth unless you are working and/or bringing home a paycheck.

2.  You aren't a nurse anymore because you are not currently practicing as one.

3.  You are going to forget everything you knew as a nurse and will lose all your skills.

4.  You will become depressed and a crying mess (which would be unfair to your husband) if you don't keep yourself busy and moving all the time.

5.  You won't ever have the chance to go back to work because your honey wants you to stay home and make food for him.  (pretty humorous because he does not feel like this...although he really enjoys having food prepared when he gets home from work!)

6.  Nobody will know you exist and you will suffer social isolation.

7.  Nothing exciting can happen apart from my work as a nurse.

So, there you have it...the fears that have been chasing me.  I know the truth in my head but it often doesn't make its way to my heart and soul.  So, I need to operate on FAITH...crazy, I know, but I forget so easily.  My worth is in who I am and Who I belong to instead of what I do.  There is nothing wrong with being the one who supports Team Salmon by holding things together at home.   When its time for me to return to working as a nurse I will relearn the things I have forgotten and continue to learn new things. 

My honey and I decided that this time without a job in Wisconsin would be a great time for me to go back to school since that is something that I have been wanting to do.  I start on October 24th and will be doing all of my classes online.  I am excited about this opportunity and also nervous, too.  What if I'm not good at being a student anymore...what if my fatigue issues make it so that I can't get through the courses?  More fear...but I know that this opportunity is from God and I am going to take it and run with it...I will trust my heavenly Father to take care of the rest.  I have been dealing with some health issues lately that when focused on seem insurmountable, but when I focus on God everything is possible!

God has been working on my heart as you can see and teaching me more and more about faith, trust and resting in Him.  Hmmm...seems like those are things He has taught me before!  I will continue to learn and allow Him to make my heart look more like His.  That is what I want.

Please pray for me as I settle in here in Wisconsin...as I watch my honey get to go to work everyday and meet new people and patients while I have limited exposure to anyone besides the checkout ladies at Target, Wal-Mart and the grocery store!  God has been so faithful to me for as long as I can remember and I know that He will walk through this situation with me as well! 

Also, I just want to make sure that no one is hearing what I am saying as me looking down on the position of a stay at home wife.  This is so not true and I highly respect women who do that...I am amazed by them.  I just never saw myself as being home at this point in my life.

Love to you all,

Amanda

The God Who created this is able to keep my small life under control...and give me so much love!!